Anger

The emotion of violence; it causes us to do things that we usually regret. We are manipulated so easily by it and it is the emotion that guided our ancestors towards survival. Where would we be if it wasn’t for anger? It’s the emotion that tells others that something hurt us or is bothering our mind. We have all felt it, but what do we know about it, do we truly understand what anger is? Anger is not as negative as we assume. It has many positive features, for example it activates a part of the left side of the brain that is associated with many positive emotions. Without feeling the negative we would not enjoy the positive as much. Are we born with anger or is it transmitted to us genetically, do we learn such behaviour from the environment? Throughout our journey in the world of anger we shall gain knowledge on this subject

Like mentioned in the sadness and agony article, there are many triggers that are created by someone’s life experiences and environment. But some triggers are universal just like the death of someones child triggers agony. Someone interfering with what we intend on doing is a major universal trigger for anger; it explains why when someone cutting in front of us while driving or in a line up causes us to boil in anger even if we will arrive to the destination just seconds later.There are three points that best describes what anger does. Anger controls, anger punishes and anger retaliates. The main response of anger is to harm a target whether it’s living or an object (not finding your keys and becoming late is a good example of anger towards an object that is interfering with what we intend to do).We must also understand a very important detail; anger brings forward anger in others. If you are angry at someone they can’t resist the temptation of becoming angry back (it’s an automatic response to anger). You are affecting them in a negative way and they are imposed to show it or to try to control it. Frustration is a low intensity of anger; it is usually the beginning process of anger. Frustration can produce feelings of anger, which in turn can generate feelings of aggression and result in aggressive behaviour. Anger is after all one of the most important emotions since it has allowed us to survive. It is one of the bases of survival instinct, example: There’s limited food in the environment. In such a context those individuals that associate food with anger and turn aggression into an attack in response to get the food are more likely to survive. That being said, in some instances it is much better to keep the anger inside. Psychologist Carol Tavris who in her book ‘’Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion’’ argues that keeping the anger in does not make us depressed, nether cause hypertension or heart attacks and is an unlikely cause of medical consequences. Instead of getting depressed, you should be getting angry. At least if you got angry, you would fight for what you want. Even if we condemn someone’s angry response we understand it. It is the one who harms without anger who is not understood and that is perceived as truly frightening. When someone is angry they usually only realise later what harm they have caused and see the power of this emotion; it has distorted their beliefs and made them behave in a way that they know in a normal state of mind is not acceptable. Angry adults have been found to lose social approval while angry children have been found to lose the approval of other children as well.

Anger in infants

A research was done by Dr. Joe Campos; you might remember the visual cliff experiment that he conducted and he also did an experiment on newborns to see if they feel anger. He reported slashing and thrashing that seem to have the function of removing an obstacle and mentioned proto-anger in infants. It is unclear whether this is a coordinated attempt to hurt the person who is the source of the obstacles or just them trying to remove interference. There is no information on exactly when and how attempts to hurt emerge and if they do in all infants. But there are signs of hitting, biting and kicking very early in a baby’s life and these actions start to become controlled around the age of two and go on the decline every year after. Psychiatrist and Anthropologist Melvin Konner said, ‘’the capacity for violence is never abolished, it is always there ‘’. Is anger a part of nature or nurture? There have been many studies on this subject and many showing how the chemical relationships between serotonin, testosterone, and frontal lobe brain chemistry may play a key role in determining aggressive behaviour. A large survey of adopted children has shown that living with an adoptive parent who has committed a crime is less risky than merely having the genes from a person who has committed a crime. Other studies have shown that the social environment controls patterns in human aggression; certain aspects of human life have been singled out as factors that seem to contribute to the development and control of aggression, including cognitive factors, family factors, neighbourhood factors, and peer influences. The nature vs. nurture factor is being researched, and from what I have understood through my journey on anger, nature is where anger comes from and nurture models it showing us when and where it is appropriate to be angry.

Behaviour driven by anger

A study published on Dec. 31, 2013 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggested that you feel different emotions in different parts of your body which also appears to be universal. When feeling anger the sensation is felt in the complete upper body (a rise in sensation contrary to depression). Anger is around the heart, the head, and is strongest in the hands. This explains why when angry, the hands seem to be lurking for the chance to attack and the heart starts pumping as if we are about to run. It is the opposite of depression where there is a severe lack of sensation which gives the effect of wanting to retract toward our center mass. The body sensations are linked directly to the emotion but it has no environmental influences, it can be used to help better understand mood and emotional disorders like rage and depression. It might also help individual empathising with each other after all, the six universal emotions are like doors with a key we all own.

How to handle the angry

During anger judgement is clouded; angry people should consider whether expressing their anger will best solve the source of the problem. Unfortunately they often don’t. Psychologists Newberg and Waldman said, “Angry words send alarm messages through the brain, and they partially shut down the logic-and-reasoning centers located in the frontal lobes”. We all had to deal at some point in time with someone who is angry at us, but what if I tell you that we can switch that person’s anger off? There is a 5 step method; taking care of yourself first, decide the outcome that you want, take perspective, validate, mastery.

Taking care of yourself, (anger brings forth anger) to avoid reacting out bad judgment practices self-compassion. Reflect on the situation by thinking about: who is mad at you? If you feel like this is an important person or not; even if you don’t like the person sometimes you have no choice but to deal with the situation (neighbor, co-worker...). If it’s not the time for damage control this shouldn’t deserve your attention, so why waste your time.
To decide the outcome you want, you should be able to see the outcome you want; do not fear the unknown reaction of the person.
Perspective; it’s time to deal with it. The first thing to do is to take a step back from the attacker; a sneezing gesture with an ``excuse me`` and taking a few steps back is a good way to give the illusion of a polite considerate gesture. This allows you to not react defensively; after all you need to be calm is to gain the control. Once a step back has been taken, picture yourself backing up to the back of your head to a safe place.
Validation; take the energy out of the anger and slow the attacker down by validating the other person feelings. . To accomplish that say absolutely nothing unless it’s to validate the emotion, example: ``I see that this situation has affected you negatively`` or ``I see how much this bothers you``. It will force them to think, which is incompatible with anger. Listen to the reply without interrupting and stay objective, calm and polite. Just taking them seriously, calms them down. If the demands are still not to your liking you can stop by saying:`` I will take this is into consideration`` or ``I will think about what you said`` or `` I will get back to you this afternoon`` .
Mastery; the key to mastery is slowing everything down. It gives you control; once you have slowed it down, you control the pace of the interaction and have control on the situation. From there you will be able to shape the situation towards what you chose when you decided the outcome. Once mastery is achieved you will be equipped to deal with other angry people in the future.

An angry person is out of control which give you a lot of opportunities to step in and take control. But this is a skill that demand’s practice and has no perfection.

Conclusion

Anger is something we are born with and is part of nature. It is shaped by nurture; environmental influence, which explains why around the age of two we learn self-recognition and see that others think differently. This I believe is a giant factor in the learning of controlling anger. Empathy and sympathy causes us to choose not to be angry in some instances where we know we can harm someone that does not deserve it. Even if it is a very effective way of maintaining social order, if used recklessly it becomes a poor survival mechanism. When someone is angry always remember they are trying to express what caused them physical or mental pain. Knowing this how do we know if we have an anger problem or if this is all caused by others? After all, when we`re angry we have a tendency to blame all others except for ourselves.

Written by: Tarek Benzouak